RACK: Risk is More Than Just the Physical

Let’s talk about RACK—Risk Aware Consensual Kink—not just as a safety acronym, but as a sort of life philosophy that extends far beyond the playroom.

For those unfamiliar: RACK is a framework used in kink communities to emphasize informed, consensual play that acknowledges and accepts risk. The philosophy evolved as a counterpoint to the more widely known ‘SSC’ — Safe, Sane, Consensual— primarily because some kinksters (including myself) reject the idea that common BDSM activities, such as suspending someone from the ceiling with some twisted grass, sticking them full of needles, or causing delicious blunt-force trauma, can ever be considered completely safe.

This is… safe? Photo credit @MrRoper on FetLife, 2024

When I first learned about RACK, I focused solely on the physical risks. Like most newbies I assumed the greatest harm I could sustain would be some sort of permanent injury. I educated myself on nerve damage, circulatory issues, and STI’s, accepted the risk, and jumped straight into the deep end. It was fun!

 I was lucky.

As my practice has developed, I’ve realized the most dangerous things I do in the dungeon have nothing to do with rope, canes, or even throwing knives (!). Recently, I’ve started using RACK to talk about emotional risk too. And honestly? Emotional attachment might be my riskiest kink.

Loving Your Clients

As a Sacred Intimate who works beyond the physical, I do a lot of exercises with clients that promote a feeling of safety and emotional connection. And guess what? They work!

bonding exercises + partner = emotional bond with partner

 Who woulda thought.

I’ve deliberately chosen not to resist this equation anymore. Why? Because leaning into connection—really seeing someone—makes the work deeper, richer, and ironically, safer. When I care about someone, I notice their tells faster. I feel their fear before they speak it. I sense when something’s off, even if their mouth is saying “I’m fine.” Emotional attunement reduces physical risk, because we’re not just two bodies playing roles—we’re humans in relationship.

What’s the Risk?

Attaching to clients (or them to me) comes with all kinds of messy dangers. Emotional fallout. Misunderstandings. Projection. The inevitable human tragedy of one person developing expectations their partner is incapable of meeting. I’ve had client sessions that have left me floating for days afterwards, and others that left me curled up in my bed questioning all my life choices.

A session that turned out to carry more emotional fallout than I expected, 2025

Let’s be completely clear: playing with emotion is no less risky than playing with knives. In fact, it can be worse. If a scene goes sideways physically, we have bandages and safewords. But if a client falls for me and I can’t offer them the relationship they crave? Or if I evoke a repressed emotional state related to past trauma at the end of a session? Or maybe we consciously tug on emotion during roleplay, and it turns out to be bigger than they anticipated?

That’s a pain you can’t safeword out of. Once the box is open, good luck trying to close it again. (Though, fun fact: Tylenol, a nerve blocker, actually helps with social and emotional pain because your brain reads it as just another pain signal. Science!)  

Time to share a kink I’m not proud of.

I’m not totally innocent in all this. I like  wielding emotional power. I like watching someone melt under my gaze. I like knowing I could ruin them with a word (I won’t—but the fact that I could? Delicious). That’s not entirely altruistic. It’s shadow work.

It’s the daughter of an emotionally distant mother reenacting old scripts with better costumes.

I wish I wasn’t an emotional sadomasochist. I wish I could do this work without that edge. Maybe, with time, I’ll learn to distance myself in a way that still feels authentic, without completely shutting down the energy exchange I find so essential to a meaningful session.

For now, I’ve started including emotional dynamics in my RACK profile during negotiations. If I know I’m playing with emotional fire, we both deserve to name it.

And so far? Clients have appreciated the honesty. Some even find it hot (emotional masochists, I see you). More importantly, it sets the stage for deeper trust. And deeper trust makes my work possible—whether I’m tying wrists or opening hearts.