Banned
I was recently perma-banned from a Reddit community that has been extremely valuable to me, both as an inexperienced player awash in a sea of bad information, and a contributor pushing back against that tide.
The reason for the ban? I mentioned I was a professional.
The community guidelines clearly prohibit advertising for sex work, but from my perspective, what I was doing wasn’t advertising. What is the first step in debate, after stating your point? Give your audience a reason to trust you.
I acknowledge now that any disclosure of my background can be interpreted as advertising. After all, one of the things I’m selling IS knowledge. Yet it truly didn’t cross my mind at the time that by providing advice, I was advertising a service.
I have become accustomed to disclosing my professional status and aspirations at play parties and events. My boundaries are easily expressed when I say ‘no, I’m sorry, I Dominate for work and don’t have the time for a personal dynamic’ when approached. It’s easy to weed out the people I don’t want to associate with, by their negative reactions to my disclosure.
Sex work is still stigmatized in sex-positive environments.
So when I mentioned my status on Reddit, it was for three reasons:
Force of habit
To establish trust while dispensing advice about intensely personal topics
To take pride in my work
Because I’m proud to be a sex worker.
I’m proud to hold space for peoples’ most vulnerable selves, receive truths that they wouldn’t feel comfortable telling a friend, a therapist, a lover. Proud to disclose my own trauma, share my own story, reveal the light on the other side of darkness.
The sad truth is, not all sex workers feel this way. Too many of my clients come to me with horror stories of abusive providers that have taken advantage of their submission for financial gain without proper negotiation beforehand, providers who push past hard limits in session when emotions are high, providers who don’t practice real BDSM.
If you are not respecting the autonomy of a submissive, the full weight of their psychology and how you’re manipulating it, then you are not practicing true BDSM.
You’re being a scumbag.
Scumbags have saturated the market, damaging true Professionals and the subs they care about. I don’t hold any real resentment towards the moderators of the aforementioned Reddit community; this ban has motivated me to continue to push for a future where sex work is decriminalized, destigmatized, and accessible to all who need it.
